Many a good adventure has it’s own romance plot, and The Legend of Zelda series is no exception. However, if you’ve never played the games, you might assume that Link, our hero in green, and the eponymous Zelda, our damsel in distress, have an ongoing romance. The truth of the matter is quite different, as almost every game features a different iteration of Link, and not every one of those Links is horny for Zelda.
But everyone sure is horny for Link. While Link might be the most passive fuckboy imaginable, as his style of seduction can best be described as “silently staring at you as he smashes a pot with a sword,” the games still imply that he’s getting it on the reg. The real question is which version of Link gets it the most. I’ve narrowed down our answer to three different Zelda games, of which Link either appears as an adult, or his poon-hounding path into adulthood is implied.
The Case For Ocarina of Time
Link is a straight-up playboy in Ocarina of Time, having an implied relationship with four different women (five if you count Fado, the Kokiri girl from Link’s childhood who is absolutely infatuated with him.) That said, time travel serves to be one hell of a cockblock, and Link probably only manages to make the beast with two backs (and I’m not talking about a Dodongo) with only one of his suitors.
We’ll start with that suitor, Malon, the ranch girl who gives Link his horse and “hopes a knight in shining armor will come and sweep her off her feet someday.” The chemistry is strong between them, as Malon teases Link by calling him “fairy boy,” but she ain’t calling him fairy boy for long, after his epic escape from Lon Lon Ranch. It’s implied that Link and Malon end up together because Link’s descendant from Twilight Princess, is a rancher. We could maybe see him having a relationship with Zelda on the side, but Zelda and Link seem to lack the requisite chemistry as she sends him back in time after he defeats Ganon without so much as a goodbye kiss.